Hello everyone, it’s MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-er I mean, it’s me BanksD and I’m going to be reviewing an album today. “What album is that?” you may ask, well none other than Masterplan’s 2003 self-titled debut album, but that’s not all my friends. Today we have a very VERY special guest, and his name is DOUG-KUN ^______^


Doug: Wh-what the fuck is going on here..... I was out drinking and the next thing I know.... where the hell am I?!

Banks: I PUT SOMETHING IN YOUR DRINK DOUG-KUN, IN ORDER FOR YOU TO DO THIS REVIEW WITH ME ^_________________^

Doug: Wait..... but I was in Washington and we're in....... wait..... how the.....

Banks: No need to worry about that Doug, you’re safe and sound now in my warm, comfortable basement.

Doug: .....I've woken up in worse places I suppose....... hey, is that Masterplan playing?

Banks: Why yes indeed it is Doug(-kun), I thought I’d drug you, tie you up in my basement, and force you to review it with me

Doug: god help me...... alright, I'll play along......

Banks: YAAAAAAAAY! ^_____________________^

Doug: G-guuuhhhh! That.... strange moment of dry humping aside..... Let's see... this song is "Spirit Never Dies"

Banks: Indeed, it is also one of my favorites from this album, and I would imagine it is one of yours as well.

Doug: The song "Spirit Never Dies" starts with quiet buildup and energetic riff most befitting of the opening track of any good power metal album, but really, it sets itself apart from the crows when you get to the vocals.....

Banks: Quite, the vocals on this album were the selling point for me, vocalist Jorn Lande not only has a great range as a vocalist, but has a sound in his voice that I really love, I can’t explain what about it, but I just find it rather comforting. That may not be the best word for it, but I digress.

Doug: which really complement the lyrical content of Masterplan's music well. Like bread and butter..... or maybe more like pizza and beer.......which is what I was having before I woke up here..... Hey, you got any pizza lying around Banks?

Banks: I dunno, ask my futanari clone of C.C.

Doug: GAH! Alright... I'll wait on the pizza.... but like I said about the lyrics.....The lyrics of "spirit never dies" may as well be a guide out of depression in audio format..... and don't tell anyone this because I ain't a wimp or anything... but even I get a bit teary eyed because of how powerful the lyrics of this song are to me.......

Banks: Hang on let me finish sending this text here to Ale...Let's see "Cry-Ing-Like-a- little-baby" Okay! Sent, moving on

Doug: HEY! Aw, fuckit. The entire internet is gonna see this anyway. Uhh, the next song is Enlighten Me

Banks: Oh fuck yeah.This song was the song that sold me on this album honestly, the chorus is catchy as fuck and shows off Lande's impressive vocal range quite well if you ask me.

Doug: Indeed Banks, this song is just a rockin' track from start to finish. Like you said, it shows off Jorn’s vocals really well, as with how he gradually transitions between his softer singing style during the verses, and his more powerful soaring vocals in the choruses. It's just a REALLY fun track to sing along with, ENLIGHTEN MEEEE, I WANNA SEEE HOW THIS COULD BEEEEEEEEEEE THE AAAAAAGE OF REEEEEEASOOOON.

Banks: You have such a great singing voice Doug-kun ^_^

Doug: Mostly when I've been drinking...... aaaaaanyways.... stop rubbing up against me like that...... gu-uuhhhhh

Banks: Oh! I’m *clears throat* I’m sorry. Anyway, onto the next song

Doug: uhh huh.... uhm. Alright, that would be Kind Hearted Light. Doug: This track starts out with an almost 80's glam rock sounding synth line... that is, before the guitar kicks in and the true nature of this badass anthem of overcoming adversity is revealed unto us. You know, a lot of Masterplan's songs are about overcoming adversity, come to think of it. Then again, that's the nature of a lot of power metal music.... I guess that's why they call it "power" metal, eh?

Banks: Yeah, power metal, while not always having lyrical themes that are intended to be uplifting, is always a genre that energizes me and puts me in a good mood. This band especially.

Doug: makes me want to find the asshat that said all metal is depressing and give him a piece of my mind..... fuckin' dumbasses. Speaking of power..... Crystal night

Banks: Yes, this song is a slower, more ballad like song, but is still a very powerful song, and once again Jorn is the highlight of this song.

Doug: alright, I think I need to explain a bit of the history behind the lyrics and themes of this song

Banks: Do tell

Doug: In November 9-10 in 1938, Hitler and his shock troopers carried out a series of attacks on Jewish communities throughout Germany and Austria. The event was referred to as "Krystallnacht", which literally translates to "Crystal Night" in English, which refers to the many windows broken that night in the attacks. To this day, the event sort of stands as a symbol of Nazi oppression, of course, this is an EXTREMELY sensitive topic in Europe, ESPECIALLY in Germany... which is right where our band, Masterplan comes from (aside from Jorn, who's from Norway, where it's also an extremely sensitive topic) The song approaches the subject tastefully and seriously, decrying the horrific acts committed under the Nazi regime. However, it's probably interesting to note how close to the heart this song would hit with European listeners, probably quite a bit closer than it does to us Americans. However, I feel it's not just the lyrical content that makes this song so powerful, the riffs and mid-tempo pacing, combined with Jorn's powerful vocal techniques, really leave a strong impression on the listener

Banks: *zzzzzzzzzzzzzz*i love you mami*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Doug: Good! He's asleep! Now's my chance to escape!

Banks: uhh...what's going on...where's my Mam- HEY! YOU CAN'T LEAVE HERE YET! WE HAVE TO REVIEW THE REST OF THE ALBUM DOUG-KUN!!! ^____________^

Doug: Dammit......alright, well, I might as well enjoy this.

Banks: I know I will ^__^

Doug: Our next song is Soulburn.... it's got some great vocal technique, but there's not really much else I can say about this song. What about you banks?

Banks: This song is one of my favorites from the album, the melodies are great, and hella fun to sing along with, and I really like the lyrics on this one, they really resonate with me for some reason, and once again, I find them to be quite uplifting.

Doug: The lyrics of the song very much fit with that theme of rising up to the challenge. The song is a bit of a slower track, but still very powerful. Now, this NEXT one is undeniably one of my favorites from the album....

Banks: Mine as well, this next song is called Heroes, and features a nice guest spot from Michael Kiske (whom we all know from Helloween, aka Kai Hansen’s first band)

Doug: As soon as that opening soaring guitar melody and Jorn's' opening roar thrust you into "Heroes", you know you're in for a great time. The duet between Kiske and Jorn on this track is absolutely fantastic, featuring some great call and response parts from the two iconic power metal singers... it's really fantastic thing to hear the beautiful melodies that result of any two power metal vocalists working in tandem. the melodies from these two songbirds could be compared to the inner workings of a fighter jet..... to keep one in flight, you have the thrust, as provided by the powerful roar of a jet engine, a rougher and harsher part of the machine. This works in tandem with the fuselage and the wings, which are the more majestic and graceful parts of the plane. Each is beautiful in its own way, and each is equally important in keeping such a beautiful machine afloat! In a sense, you could say Jorn's harsher style is like the jet engine, and Kiske's more soaring style is like the wings! Although, if Jorn lande’s voice was a jet engine, that jet engine would probably be the most beautiful goddamn jet engine ever, because goddamn he's got a beautiful voice!
Banks: *looks up from cellphone* oh, I’m sorry I was busy reading this here. Apparently Jay is in jail, sucks for him i guess.

Doug: That has nothing to do with masterplan. Expunge that useless data immediately AND FOCUS ON THE GODDAMN MUSIC!

Banks: But Doug-Kun I was just [DATA EXPUNGED]

Doug: The SCP foundation will take care of you long enough. In the meantime, it's time to Sail On with Masterplan! (see what I did there?)

Banks: Don’t do that ever again.

But anyway, this song is quite simply my favorite song from this album. Starting with a short drum intro, this song transitions into what sounds like a guitar part from any other power metal song, but that is where you're wrong. This song is not just "any other power metal song" it's a fucking MASTERPIECE OF A POWER METAL SONG.

Once again continuing with the overcoming adversity theme of this album, this song put a smile on my face the first time i heard it and every subsequent listen has done the same. But the lyrics aren't the only part of this song that is noteworthy, no my friends, the chorus of this song is where it shines. The way this chorus is structured is really something to behold. Jorn blends his high range vocals with a more mid-ranged style that really allows for the two styles weave together in a perfect harmony that you will not soon forget, at least i won't. I cannot express the joy and happiness i feel when i hear this song with mere words, the only way you can understand this feeling is if you listen to the song yourself.

Doug: I'd have to agree, it's an incredible song. You know, it seems like almost all of the songs on this album so far have essentially just been empowering sort of "overcoming adversity" type songs... shit, this album does a better job at counseling than most therapists.... In fact, I think therapists and counselors probably need to consult this album and rethink their careers.

Banks: Indeed, anyway, on to the next song, Into the Light.

Doug: They slow things down a bit on this track for the ballad, but it's by no means a weak track. We see a lot more of Jorn’s softer side on this one. Doug: listening to some of the earlier tracks on this album, then comparing them to "Into the Light", you almost wouldn't imagine that Jorn could sing in such a way..... but oh how he does. Needless to say, this song is an incredible show of vocal range.

Banks: I pretty much agree, though I like the song, I don’t have much to add to that, so on to the next one.
Doug: Well, now it's time for the single most badass track on the album. We've had a lot of uplifting and emotion tracks, but this song, "crawling from hell" entirely changes the tone of the album. It starts with a thrashy riff that tears a hole through space time and immerses you into a new world of badassery.

Banks: That it does indeed Doug, and though I wouldn’t call it one of my favorites from the album, I can still say I love it

Doug: The badass sci-fi/fantasy concept this song combined with the powerful riffing, along with Jorn's ever-powerful voice really drive this....... wait..... THIS ISN'T ONE OF YOUR FAVORITES ON THIS ALBUM!?

-Doug slaps Banks in the face with such force, a rift is opened in spacetime, creating a wormhole that sucks in both Banks and Doug. They appear in another world, upon which armies of horrifying creatures battle each other, their rage so overwhelming the earth beneath them cracks, and from those cracks in the earth come legions of demons. The planet trembles with the rage that covers its surface-

Banks: Uhhh...where are we?

Doug: WE'RE AT THE EDGE OF THE GALAXY....... IN THE CENTER OF ARA..... WE WERE SENT TO A PLANET TO SEE... THE WAR HAD JUST STARTEEDD!!! In other words, we're actually on the planet that the story in the song "crawling from hell" takes place on.

Banks: Oh, oooooooh, ooooooooooooooooooooooooh...

Doug: You see this world of death and destruction?! DO YOU?! DO YOU SEE THE GLORIOUS CARNAGE THAT UNFOLDS BEFORE US?! THAT IS WHAT THE SONG "CRAWLING FROM HELL" IS... IN AUDIO FORM!!!! IT I AN INTERSTELLAR WAR WITH DEMONS IN THE FORM OF A SONG!!!!! NOW DO YOU SEE?! ARE YOUR EYES OPEN TO HOW BADASS THE SONG CRAWLING FROM HELL TRULY IS?!

Banks: SOOOS!

Doug: Eh, good enough. Strangely enough, I think this world is the same one that Hypocrisy's song "warpath" takes place on, actually...

Banks: Save it for the Virus review, we should probably go back home now

Doug: Yep. And what better soundtrack for a long journey home than the ending track for Masterplan's self titled album, "Bleeding Eyes"? The song is a perfect track for a long journey, detailing the passing of time through a single point of view; the riffs are heavy and slow, with a middle-eastern style keyboard line providing a powerful harmony with the guitar parts and Jorn’s hard-edged vocals. The melodies and lyrics in this track just make me feel like I'm travelling through a barren desert, in a sense. It also has a crazy sounding solo part. Ah, and the songs over. And would you look at that, we're home!

Banks: Y AY!

Doug: Now it's time for the last track on the album, "when love comes close"... What better way to end an uplifting power metal album than with a tearjerker love ballad song?

Banks: *giggles*

Doug: uuuhhh... No Banks

Banks: Okay...

Doug: I'll let you finish this one up. After all, you DID go to the trouble of kidnapping me so I could review this with you. It'd be a great shame if you didn't finish your own review!

Banks: You’re right!

If you ask me this was the perfect way to end this album, this song serves as a nice calm(er) send off to an album filled with songs that are more energetic and powerful in nature. This song will definitely leave you satisfied with your overall listening experience and maybe even make you want to listen to the album again.

So Doug what are your final thoughts on the album?

Doug: Overall, it's not only an amazing show of vocal talent on the part of singer Jorn Lande, but just a generally amazing eponymous debut for an amazing power metal band. I'd recommend anyone who has even an inkling of interest in the power metal genre listen to this album immediately.

Banks: Agreed. This album is and will always be one of, if not my favorite, in its genre

Doug: without a doubt. Alright, well that was fun. I'm gonna go home now!

Banks: DON'T LEAVE ME DOUG-KUN!

Doug: Let's do this again sometime! Just don't kidnap me again......

Banks: Okay ^_^

-suddenly fades to Banks waking up in the morning and noticing something is off-

Banks: goddamn that was some dream, but why are my pants all wet and...Sticky.... oh god. oh please god no. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The End, I hope you enjoyed reading this, I know Doug and I had a blast making it, and hopefully we’ll do this again one day.